Blog Revisited.

Lately I have been receiving the inspiration to write in the wee hours of the morning, so I thought to myself, what better place to scratch the itch than this, my forgotten, and never really developed blog. Today I attended a "meeting" at the Oakland Press regarding free lance opportunities with their new Prep Sports website. When I arrived, I saw a crowd that was either much older or much younger than me. The range of ages at this meeting was, per my estimation, 14-70. One kid was driven there by his father, a girl, the only one in the room, also attended with her father. Let me back track a bit here, I was invited to this meeting by the Sports Editor of the Press as a result of me sending him my resume and inquiring about any openings he might have on his staff. He then informed me of the meeting and the opportunity for free lance work. I was encouraged, because this was the only positive response I had received after sending out numerous e-mails to Editors all around the state. Anyways, as I sit in this meeting room, surrounded by these people, I had no idea what the hell I had gotten myself into. Then I received a packet that was being handed out to the group, and as soon as I read the title I was embarrassed.  The title read: "The Oakland Press Institute for Citizen Journalists". Before I go further, I will say that I am in no way trying to take an assholish approach to what I am about to say. I'm not trying to be a dick about this situation. That said, I experienced a loss for words, even thoughts when looking at this roughly 10 page packet sitting in front of me. I am not a high school student. I also am not looking for something to do in my down time in retirement. I am a recent college graduate, with a degree that says I am good enough to write professionally for a newspaper or television. No disrespect to those who were in attendance with me, they were no doubt pursuing a dream of their own, more power to them, but the fact that I was invited to this meeting by the Sports Editor led me to believe that this was a legitimate opportunity, not some gathering of amateurs that wanted to learn how to write a decent story. As I sat quietly though the meeting, I began to get more and more...annoyed at what was being presented to me. This man was talking about this website as if it were revolutionary, as if there weren't several hundred sites that already produced the same type of content. The word "trailblazers" was used several times. I'm sorry, but this trail was blazed long ago. The presentation reeked of ignorance, and I was astonished that this man, a Sports Editor at a significant paper with a good sized circulation, could be this clueless as to the very industry he was supposed to be an expert in. As I type this, it makes me want to thank every professor I ever had in JRN classes at MSU. After grabbing a bottle of water, and handing in the interest sheet that was stapled to the end of the packet, I was on my way. I felt insulted. I called a couple of friends, as well as my mom, and vented some of my frustrations. The most discouraging part of the whole thing, was that I thought this was my first legitimate opportunity as a college grad, and it ended up disintegrating right in front of my eyes.

As I lay in bed at 4 a.m. thinking about possible things I should be doing with my life, I find peace of mind listening to Kanye West. Am I the only one who enjoys Jeopardy just because it makes me realize that I am not stupid? To me nothing is better than answering one of the harder Jeopardy questions (not the $200 easy stuff). It makes me feel as though I have accomplished something with my life to this point. I wish there were statistics available like what percentage of the American public could have answered that questions correctly. Then again, that might make me feel less smart, if the percentage was high enough. Who knows. I feel as though there are a lot of unintelligent people in the world. Scratch that, in the state of Michigan, or more specifically, the Northeast suburbs of Detroit. Thats probably the only region of the state that I am qualified to judge at this point. I would venture to say that I'm smarter than a large portion of the Macomb County population. Thinking of this makes me think of something that has bothered me for a very long time: the lack of respect that adults have for young adults such as myself, as if because I enjoy my life, and do dumb but fun things every once in a while, that I am somehow of lesser value than them. Those who know me very well know that this topic would normally set me off on an expletive ridden tirade. This blog being public, I will shy away from that approach for now. It does however really grind my gears when I am talked down to by an adult. In my book, respect is most definitely earned, and not at all given. The way to earn respect from those you don't know, is to show respect to them. If an adult who doesn't know me begins talking down to me, you best bet that you have earned nothing from me, and therefore, I am liable to be a condescending asshole to you. This may be my favorite part about my relationship with my parents. From a very young age my parents treated me as if I was their equal, which I greatly appreciate. They respected me as a person, and my views and opinions. I was not forced to blindly follow anything that I didn't agree with,  and they defended every decision I ever made because they knew that I was not a stupid person, and although I am suspect to questionable decisions, there was always a reason. They even went as far as to defend me against teachers I had as far back as elementary school. Though my mom and I fight about a lot of things, I know that she is always looking out for my best interests, because that is what she has done my entire life. My dad takes the hands off approach a lot, and my thoughts on that will remain with me and not in a public forum. Thinking about it, I really don't let my parents know enough how much I appreciate them. Although I do think there is an unspoken assurance that I appreciate them, I should let them know more often. 

Sometimes I wonder if I could have become a successful musician. By successful I don't mean rich and famous, I mean able to create music that expresses how I feel, that I would enjoy listening to. I think that is why I enjoy 808's and Heartbreak so much. The album is Kanye West. It's not some poppy bullshit rap about whatever, its his soul, at maybe the darkest period of his life. Its really though provoking for me if nothing else. Sometimes I think I may be a bit too scatter-brained, but with wandering thoughts comes expansion of the mind if you ask me, as well as depth of knowledge. If you aren't thinking, then what are you doing? More importantly, can anything productive come from this activity? Probably not. Sometimes I wonder if in 10 years I will look back at this period of my life and regret that I didn't do more. I have always wanted to write a screen play or book, and I think that now is the perfect time for me to be working on this type of project. I know I will regret it if I get stuck in a 9-5 monotonous job where I waste my skills. Along with this proposed regret of non-activity, comes the regret of not developing relationships with people whom I wish to get to know better. I'm not entirely sure what I mean by that, but I think part of it is a realization that my friends are beginning to move away, and it, for lack of a better word, sucks. Granted, through the years friends have come and go, some have remained, some are just in the background, but there is a core group of people that I never want to lose touch with. Aside from my immediate family, this group of people are those who I care about the most. I'm really glad that I have met so many great people in my life. 

As the song "Love Lockdown" pulses through my headphones, I will delve into this subject. The underlying (or maybe not so underlying) theme of this portion of my life is the intense fear of rejection that I experience. Throughout my life I have had many crushes, very few seem to last very long, which makes them easy to forget. And almost on cue, Paranoid comes on...Anyways, the one, I guess you could call it "successful" relationship that I have had was pretty much a slam dunk at the beginning. More often than not I don't start really liking someone until I really get to know them. At that point, it always strikes me that losing their friendship probably isn't worth the risk of expressing my feelings. Although I'm not an awkward person, I just feel like things wouldn't ever be the same, feel me? I'm pretty undecided on this, and the indecision leads to non-action which leaves me where I am today. I am not the kind of person who has one night stands, I don't know, its just not me. Maybe I just need to step up to the plate and take a swing, hope for the best, take a calculated risk, who knows. I'm sure nothing terrible would happen, I guess its all in the mind set. 

Anywho, I think thats all I've got for tonight. If anyone even reads this, feel free to offer any insight you may have. Thanks.